To start with musings about any present situations or thoughts that I have might leave too much untold. This is part 1 of (maybe) 3 . So here goes. I grew up in suburban Catonsville. My family is Catholic and in the past ten years they have joined an evangelical ecumenical (meaning multi-denominational Christian) charismatic community. If you’ve seen the documentary “Jesus Camp” this community is a few notches down from that. Though I often attended meetings and retreats in High School with an interest in the community and its theology I never really felt a part of it and never felt fully accepted. Many of the members have grown up (meaning since birth) with this community all around them. The community sees many things as unethical that I do not think even mattered. It seemed to me a community too wrapped up in itself, too turned inward to care about the world’s real problems. I guess would be a heretic in their eyes, though they don’t know me well enough to make that judgment.

On the other hand I was also in a Catholic School where my religion teacher guided classes by asking questions and seeking responses about values, ethics, and religion. He often challenged us to think in more humanistic terms, to question the world (including the Catholic Church and conservative Christianity) around us, and to live simply with those who most need our help in mind. Though I value tradition I don’t think that tradition is the means by which I experience the God whom I know to be love. God is so much more than that.

I still consider myself a Christian but it’s hard for me to believe that the Catholic Church is the sole repository of salvation as the Pope says, let alone believe that the Holy Spirit manifests itself in Catonsville, MD at some prayer meeting just because the people there worship Jesus for two hours. I mean I don’t even think worship or evangelism is the way Christians should express faith. Furthermore, I would like to say that it is hard for me to separate God from human action. That is to say I believe God lives in each one of us and not inside some walls of a Church or solely in bread and wine. I guess that makes me more of a spiritual person than a religious one. I am constantly growing and changing. I don’t want to tell you what to believe but I am just letting you know what I have grown up with and where I am today. So I guess I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.

Part 2 coming next week. I’m not sure what its going to be about.